Relationship

Ask The Hive

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11/24/2022 2 Comments

Relationship

To the Hive,
My partner and I both have chronic illnesses and mental health issues. A couple of years ago, I started to put in some work to improve my mental health and more recently I’ve made some major changes for my physical health, too. The entire time, it feels like I’m growing and learning and becoming more myself, but my partner just seems to be stuck, or like she’s being dragged along kicking and screaming. I am noticing my patterns and breaking old cycles, while she stays persistent in her resistance to growth. We love each other very much. We’ve been together for a long time and during those brief moments when our egos step out of the way, we are truly great together. But very often I feel like I’m alone in this journey. It’s hard to talk to her about anything I’m doing or dealing with. On one hand, I feel like I am presented with opportunities to practice the skills and techniques I’m learning, but also …. I don’t think I can keep going like this. I want peace. I deserve to be fully me without the old drive to police myself to keep her placated.
I don’t want to leave. I can’t make her change. I’m kinda at a loss. And I am profoundly hurt. Help?

Dear Concerned Partner,

Thank you for asking the hive!
As you point out, you can’t make anyone change. You can share tools and helpful strategies, but an individual’s “readiness for change” is one part that is out of your control. What you describe also sounds like secondary grief. Your change of thinking patterns, along with your insight and growth awareness, impact your relationship. It is natural for individuals to change as they grow individually and within relationships. This growth is often thought of as positive, but in some moments it feels a loss. It is hurtful to watch someone not share the same insight as you. Perhaps reflecting back how others might have felt when you were beginning your journey to putting in work toward your mental health? How might you communicate your needs or concerns to your partner? Might you write a letter, might you consider couples counseling? Might you find an activity you can participate in together to open communication? Perhaps something outside?

Again, thank you for sharing your heart and adding to an engaging dialogue about mental health. Please visit BeWellCaldwell.com for more psychoeducation.

Be Well,

The Hive

2 Comments

Tanu aggarwal link

6/25/2024 05:11:22 am

It's tough when personal growth paths diverge in a relationship. 🌱💔 Your dedication to self-improvement is commendable, and it's natural to want your partner to join you on this journey. Communication is key—consider couples counseling to bridge the gap and align your growth together. Keep nurturing your own progress and remember, you both deserve to be your true selves. 🗣️❤️ #MentalHealthAwareness #RelationshipGoals

Oliver Henry

10/30/2025 10:29:57 pm

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To the Hive, I'm feeling pretty down because after getting out of recently toxic work environment (4 years) with a narcissistic boss, and there she fired me (I suspect for lack of $ to pay me) even though she had always praised my work and said she planned to leave the company in my hands. Now, I just lost my next job after 3 weeks, although the new job was not as expected and honestly not a good environment either. Before all this, my most recent full time gig (3 years) was another toxic environment with high turnover.
Now, I feel unmotivated to apply for another job and feel like a failure even though honestly looking at the things I went through, I was really a survivor. I have been so unhappy at work for so long and it is making me think ill never be able to work again in a healthy environment.
At the same time these jobs paid so low that I've needed a second and third job to make ends meet and my part time gigs I've actually really enjoyed and they did not seem toxic. So that I try to think of that to keep up hope that it isn't me, but I still struggle.
What would you suggest I do to get motivated after so long in jobs that treat me badly including harassment and ultimately ended in failure?

Dear Failed Employee, Thank you for asking the hive! The first thing that comes to mind is career counseling. Often times in counseling, clients express concerns about problems at work or making a career choice. Along with that comes a process to adjusting to work environments, job loss, toxic work environments. This type of counseling utilizes cognitive and behavioral approaches to career development and exploration. Through career counseling you are able to identify, or gain insight, into issues that might have been previously neglected or dismissed. This awareness can lead to one of the most common goals of career counseling; adjustment or selection of occupation. There are different occupational traits and characteristics that deserve attention by matching personality and interest traits to qualifications required by jobs. Perhaps an encouraging reminder that this is just one part of your identity. This one role does not define your worth or value.

Attached article for further support. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bully-wise/202203/work-shouldnt-hurt-the-cycle-of-toxic-work-cultures?amp=

Be Well,
The Hive

To the Hive,
I’ve recently lost my grandmother and tbh I really don’t know how to go through dealing with her loss I’m so far from her and it doesn’t help with everything going on around me. The holidays are coming up and everything is so aweful. My parents are split and I’ve had a pretty rough road growing up and I’m financially struggling and due to anxiety and depression I struggle with work . I’m at a loss and really don’t know what to do anymore. Everything is so detached and I’m hurting but people here help and think I’m being greedy so I just stay to myself . I don’t have help and I don’t have resources for help … please help .

Dear Grieving grandchild,
Thank you for asking the hive!
On behalf of our team, we are sending sincere condolences for your loss. It sounds like you described loved ones around you that might be grieving differently than you at this time. Below is some grief education to guide you with some understanding of what you are describing, how your feelings might be different from others, and how grieving changes over time.
Grief is not linear, but rather a cycle or loop. Through this loop there may be breaks in the grieving process and the intensity weakens. Grieving stages may include shock and numbness, searching and yearning, disorganization and reorganization. You described the loss of a person that perhaps you were closest to, in addition to heavy emotions we sometimes describe as secondary losses including finances and work challenges. Holidays and anniversary dates are certain marks during grieving that feel heavier. These are moments that might begin our search for creating a “new normal” as we adjust to while grieving, all at different times and in different ways and stages. Consider honoring your grief and allow yourself breaks from your grief, as well.
Some thoughts to consider: On a scale of 1-10 where number 10 represents you are managing this grief exceptionally well and the number 1 represents the worst it has been, where would you put yourself today?
If we had a magic wand and could make this problem disappear, what would you be doing (thinking, feeling) differently?
Again, thank you for sharing your heart and adding to an engaging dialogue about mental health and grief. Please visit BeWellCaldwell.com for more psychoeducation.
Be Well,
The Hive

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