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Ask The Hive

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A place where anyone can ask anonymous questions regarding their, or other's, mental health and get a response from our team! Please note: inappropriate questions will not be posted or responded to.

​Thankful to have an engaging dialogue about mental health. This dialogue is not to replace psychotherapy. Please be sure to check back for our response. We are not emailing responses, due to anonymity. 

If you are in crisis, experiencing an emergency, or require immediate assistance, and you cannot wait for a reply email, contact New Jersey Hopeline 1-855-654-6735, contact National Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), both services can be reached from anywhere in the country and are available 365/24/7, or go to your nearest emergency room or call 911.

11/24/2022 0 Comments

Relationship 

To the Hive,
My partner and I both have chronic illnesses and mental health issues. A couple of years ago, I started to put in some work to improve my mental health and more recently I’ve made some major changes for my physical health, too. The entire time, it feels like I’m growing and learning and becoming more myself, but my partner just seems to be stuck, or like she’s being dragged along kicking and screaming. I am noticing my patterns and breaking old cycles, while she stays persistent in her resistance to growth. We love each other very much. We’ve been together for a long time and during those brief moments when our egos step out of the way, we are truly great together. But very often I feel like I’m alone in this journey. It’s hard to talk to her about anything I’m doing or dealing with. On one hand, I feel like I am presented with opportunities to practice the skills and techniques I’m learning, but also …. I don’t think I can keep going like this. I want peace. I deserve to be fully me without the old drive to police myself to keep her placated.
I don’t want to leave. I can’t make her change. I’m kinda at a loss. And I am profoundly hurt. Help?

​
Dear Concerned Partner,

Thank you for asking the hive!
As you point out, you can’t make anyone change. You can share tools and helpful strategies, but an individual’s “readiness for change” is one part that is out of your control. What you describe also sounds like secondary grief. Your change of thinking patterns, along with your insight and growth awareness, impact your relationship. It is natural for individuals to change as they grow individually and within relationships. This growth is often thought of as positive, but in some moments it feels a loss. It is hurtful to watch someone not share the same insight as you. Perhaps reflecting back how others might have felt when you were beginning your journey to putting in work toward your mental health? How might you communicate your needs or concerns to your partner? Might you write a letter, might you consider couples counseling? Might you find an activity you can participate in together to open communication? Perhaps something outside?

Again, thank you for sharing your heart and adding to an engaging dialogue about mental health. Please visit BeWellCaldwell.com for more psychoeducation.

Be Well,

The Hive

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Leave a Reply.


    To the Hive,
    I'm feeling pretty down because after getting out of recently toxic work environment (4 years) with a narcissistic boss, and there she fired me (I suspect for lack of $ to pay me) even though she had always praised my work and said she planned to leave the company in my hands. Now, I just lost my next job after 3 weeks, although the new job was not as expected and honestly not a good environment either. Before all this, my most recent full time gig (3 years) was another toxic environment with high turnover. 
    Now, I feel unmotivated to apply for another job and feel like a failure even though honestly looking at the things I went through, I was really a survivor. I have been so unhappy at work for so long and it is making me think ill never be able to work again in a healthy environment. 
    At the same time these jobs paid so low that I've needed a second and third job to make ends meet and my part time gigs I've actually really enjoyed and they did not seem toxic. So that I try to think of that to keep up hope that it isn't me, but I still struggle. 
    What would you suggest I do to get motivated after so long in jobs that treat me badly including harassment and ultimately ended in failure? 

    ​Dear Failed Employee, Thank you for asking the hive! The first thing that comes to mind is career counseling.  Often times in counseling, clients express concerns about problems at work or making a career choice. Along with that comes a process to adjusting to work environments, job loss, toxic work environments. This type of counseling utilizes cognitive and behavioral approaches to career development and exploration. Through career counseling you are able to identify, or gain insight, into issues that might have been previously neglected or dismissed. This awareness can lead to one of the most common goals of career counseling; adjustment or selection of occupation. There are different occupational traits and characteristics that deserve attention by matching personality and interest traits to qualifications required by jobs.  Perhaps an encouraging reminder that this is just one part of your identity. This one role does not define your worth or value. 

    Attached article for further support.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/bully-wise/202203/work-shouldnt-hurt-the-cycle-of-toxic-work-cultures?amp=

    Be Well, 
    The Hive


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